School Called........

Just received a call from school. Again, I almost have a heart attack when I see the number on the caller ID. I am always so afraid to answer when they call but today was different. Finally, a call that my child Austin is sick. Sounds awful to say and most parents dread the call that their child is sick and that they need to come and get him. Sorry, but not me!!
A sigh of relief entered my body when she said "this is the school nurse, Austin threw up in the bathroom". WOOOOHOOOO! My kids are always so cuddly when their sick. Maybe it will be an easy night. I say maybe because he doesn't seem that sick.
Shit, here's a thought. Maybe, he isn't sick and just felt like coming home. I asked when I picked him up and no one actually saw him throw up. Maybe, he's actually getting to know the system and how things work. HMMMM, he's defiantly my son so, chances are he has figured out how to "pull the sick card". CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!

Finally some Pink!!

I am tired of the color blue with all these boys. I needed to add some pink. This is my dog HoneyGirl. She normally has a pure white coat but I felt she needed a change for a little while so now she is pink.

Exposed!

This is a little story about me actually, maybe a warning when tanning in a tanning salon. So, I go to my tanning salon once a week to blend away the striking white skin I collected over the winter. After a few trips to the salon, I noticed a note on the door that they are hiring. I have been looking for a "fun" job so I can get some adult conversation. So, I applied and then went to tan in a stand up booth.
This was the first time I was going to use their stand up so she walked me backed to show me how to use it. Most stand up's are in a private room and you dress and then walk in. This stand up was a little bit different and was not in a room. Actually, it was in the hallway but when you opened the door to what seemed like a very small upright coffin there was a small area to change and then another door to the bulbs. I have to stress on how small of an area you have to change in but I stripped down to my birthday suit and then tanned for 7 minutes. After the booth shut off, I opened the door and began to put my clothes on. Again, I am in my birthday suit so I put my workout pants (not sure, why I call them my workout pants because they do not get a workout) on first. Then, I noticed there was not a carpet where I was standing and I started to think like my mother who is a germ a phobic. All I could think of was how many people stood were I was standing, before me all barefooted and sweaty. Therefore, I wanted to put my socks on ASAP after my pants. I put my left one on and then went to put my right one on and as I did, I leaned against the door for some help because of how small the area was. All of a sudden as I leaned on the door to the out side of the booth, I felt the door give away and my half-naked body spilled into the hallway where all the other booths are. I could not even catch myself and I landed face first in the hallway. I tried to get up as fast as I could in a panic because what an awful sight it would be for someone to see MY naked upper half. As I got onto my feet and covered my chest with my arms, I did a quick look around to see if anyone saw me. Thank God, the hallway was clear but as I looked up, right in the corner aimed right at me, was a camera which had to of caught the whole mishap. Therefore, I politely waved and hurried back in my booth. So please ladies if your ever in a stand up booth like this one, make sure you lock both doors so you boobies don't get caught on camera.
Do you think this is why I never got a call for a job interview?

Should I call it "Markin his territory"???

My middle child Collin, who now is 8 and in 2Nd grade is my most observant child. He almost has a photographic memory. I say almost because it's actually like selective hearing. He only likes to use it if it's for his own benefit. I would say to him "didn't I tell you, you couldn't leave the yard" he would say "no, I don't remember you saying that" or "I told you a hundred times not to ride in the street and to wear your helmet" his reply would be "I don't remember you telling me a hundred times only a few". Okay, so he’s got me there.
Well, the summer before he went into kindergarten we started to prepare him by telling him little things like how much fun he was going to have and how many new friends he would make. Basically, all the fun and positive things you can think of telling a child to get him excited and ready for the first day. Then, about a month before school started we found out that our neighbor who lived right across the street and who we all liked very much was going to be his teacher. He was so excited to have Mrs. M as his teacher and we talked about it everyday how lucky were. Finally, it was his first day of school and after much separation anxiety on my part I waved good bye and then watched him settle into his class with ease.
So, 3:00 came around pretty fast and it was time to pick him up at school. As soon as I saw him I started asking him questions one after another on how his day went and he answered them with enthusiasm. I was so happy he liked school and had a great time. As we approached our street Collin said “my teacher Mrs. M lives across the street from us”. I remember him saying this because I thought it was a little strange he asked me that because we discussed it all the time he never forgets anything. But, I blew it off quite quickly as we pulled into our driveway. When we walked in the house he asked to have a snack and then asked if he could go out and play and off he went. I watched him go out the front door and after maybe a minute or two later I looked out the window and I saw Collin in his teacher's front yard. As I was watching him, wondering what the hell he was doing over in Mrs.‘s yard and so soon after school I saw him pull down his pants. I think I was in shock because all I could do was watch. I didn't think to go to the door and yell at him I just watched. I remember as if it were yesterday. He pulled his pants down all the way, to his ankles and because the rest of him was so tan from the summer his bright white butt cheeks lit up her front yard like the fourth of July. Then, I saw him separate his legs, pushed his belly out and he just started peeing in his teacher's front yard. I fricken watched in shock as he finished taking a pee, shook it off and pulled up his pants. Then, he just turned around, ran back into our yard and around the side of the house to the backyard and hops on a swing like nothing ever happened. What the hell was that??? Could he actually be marking his territory??? I guess I'll never really know but, I have a funny feeling it was a warning of things to come.

1st grader suspended?

I received a phone call the other day. I looked at the caller ID and saw it was from the grade school my 6 and 8 year old boys go to. Whenever I see any of the schools calling me my heart sinks a little bit because it's never good news. I answered it and it was the school secretary and she said "there was an "incident" involving Austin(6)in school today" and I was asked if I could come get him right away and talk to the principal. Shit, Shit, Shit, was all I could think because you know the word "incident" means trouble and not that he's hurt. I know it's a terrible thing to think but until she said "incident" I was kind of hoping he was hurt a little and that's why they are calling. That may be "TABOO' for me to say that but not bad of coarse. I was thinking maybe just a big scrap or something else very minor. Nope, the word "incident" came out and the word "accident" went right out the window.
I don't even remember the car ride to school because every "incident" I could think of was rushing through my mind. When I pulled up to the school suddenly I felt like a kid again. Normally I search for things to make me feel young but not this time. This was a bad young. I felt like I was going to be in big trouble with the principal. All those butterflies where filling up my tummy and as I stepped out of the car my knee's buckled a bit.
I walk into the office and of coarse the greet me by name because I have been there more than a few times. They then escorted me into the interrogation room.
Suddenly, I begin to sweat, visibly sweat. My mouth becomes dry and my throat is very scratchy. In the room was the principal and the school counselor. I took my seat and all that I could think of was this is bad, really bad. Then they bring in Austin. I think he could actually feel the look I gave him. I swear I saw him shiver. He sat down next to me. Okay, I thought here we go.
The counselor started the conversation. "Mrs. Litts,(suddenly I felt much older)we had an "incident"(god,I hate that word)today with Austin and 3 other boys in the bathroom". He then handed me a piece of paper with the whole dialog written out for me on this piece of paper. He asked me to read it. He had the worst handwriting I have ever seen. The only words I could pick up on where Austin, nuts, axe, knife, girlfriend, Harley and bathroom. WTF!!!! I admitted I couldn't read his chicken scratch and he read the dialog for me. Well to make a long short short (to late)this is what it said.
Austin and this other first grader were in the bathroom. A kindergarten student and another first graded entered the bathroom. The kindergartner was singing the song "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me". Austin said "if you don't stop singing that song I'm going to beat you up". Then the kindergartner said "no you won't because I'm going to chop your nuts off with an ax". The first grader that came in with that kid stands up for him by saying "yeah, my dad rides a Harley and he has a pocket knife and I am going to use it to cut you in half". The boy with Austin said "I'd like to see you try".
So, they suspended all four kids for the next day. Austin was thrilled he didn't have to go to school the next day. Which pissed me off. So, I decided to do the one thing he hates most for his punishment. The next day I took him SHOPPING!!!! He hates shopping. I spent 3 hours with him at the mall walking as slow as I could trying on shoes and clothes and he hated it the whole time. At the end it was so much torture for him he was rolling on the floor in the shoe department of Younkers crying about how much he wants to go home. I simply said " now, wouldn't you rather be at school right now playing with your friends instead of here". He cried yes. "You just think about that the next time you want to talk tuff in the bathroom".

What the hell should I think?

Okay,
I go out side to check on my 3 sons and I find my 14 year old working on a project as he often does. To my surprise today's project happened to be a mermaid costume. Yes, a mermaid costume. As I approached the drive way this is what I saw. What the hell am I suppose to think?