1st grader suspended?

I received a phone call the other day. I looked at the caller ID and saw it was from the grade school my 6 and 8 year old boys go to. Whenever I see any of the schools calling me my heart sinks a little bit because it's never good news. I answered it and it was the school secretary and she said "there was an "incident" involving Austin(6)in school today" and I was asked if I could come get him right away and talk to the principal. Shit, Shit, Shit, was all I could think because you know the word "incident" means trouble and not that he's hurt. I know it's a terrible thing to think but until she said "incident" I was kind of hoping he was hurt a little and that's why they are calling. That may be "TABOO' for me to say that but not bad of coarse. I was thinking maybe just a big scrap or something else very minor. Nope, the word "incident" came out and the word "accident" went right out the window.
I don't even remember the car ride to school because every "incident" I could think of was rushing through my mind. When I pulled up to the school suddenly I felt like a kid again. Normally I search for things to make me feel young but not this time. This was a bad young. I felt like I was going to be in big trouble with the principal. All those butterflies where filling up my tummy and as I stepped out of the car my knee's buckled a bit.
I walk into the office and of coarse the greet me by name because I have been there more than a few times. They then escorted me into the interrogation room.
Suddenly, I begin to sweat, visibly sweat. My mouth becomes dry and my throat is very scratchy. In the room was the principal and the school counselor. I took my seat and all that I could think of was this is bad, really bad. Then they bring in Austin. I think he could actually feel the look I gave him. I swear I saw him shiver. He sat down next to me. Okay, I thought here we go.
The counselor started the conversation. "Mrs. Litts,(suddenly I felt much older)we had an "incident"(god,I hate that word)today with Austin and 3 other boys in the bathroom". He then handed me a piece of paper with the whole dialog written out for me on this piece of paper. He asked me to read it. He had the worst handwriting I have ever seen. The only words I could pick up on where Austin, nuts, axe, knife, girlfriend, Harley and bathroom. WTF!!!! I admitted I couldn't read his chicken scratch and he read the dialog for me. Well to make a long short short (to late)this is what it said.
Austin and this other first grader were in the bathroom. A kindergarten student and another first graded entered the bathroom. The kindergartner was singing the song "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me". Austin said "if you don't stop singing that song I'm going to beat you up". Then the kindergartner said "no you won't because I'm going to chop your nuts off with an ax". The first grader that came in with that kid stands up for him by saying "yeah, my dad rides a Harley and he has a pocket knife and I am going to use it to cut you in half". The boy with Austin said "I'd like to see you try".
So, they suspended all four kids for the next day. Austin was thrilled he didn't have to go to school the next day. Which pissed me off. So, I decided to do the one thing he hates most for his punishment. The next day I took him SHOPPING!!!! He hates shopping. I spent 3 hours with him at the mall walking as slow as I could trying on shoes and clothes and he hated it the whole time. At the end it was so much torture for him he was rolling on the floor in the shoe department of Younkers crying about how much he wants to go home. I simply said " now, wouldn't you rather be at school right now playing with your friends instead of here". He cried yes. "You just think about that the next time you want to talk tuff in the bathroom".